Chapter Six
Doin' Time * Due to Aigee-Gorg’s foolish short sightedness, Bongo and the Baritones must serve time working at a dirty prison camp. * The Bois are stripped of all their precious loot and carted away to the prison camp known as Ost by Zorendal soldiers, where they are forced to mine ore until the end of time. Conditions in this camp are very poor. The Bois are given very little to eat or drink, and are given ragged clothing. ' * '''To Bongo’s unbridled rage, the prison guards have captured his loyal wolf companion Thgil, and plan to kill the mighty beast. ' * 'Aigee is separated from the gingle-gangle and taken to a distant part of the camp where the local “doctor” will attempt to remove the brainjacker from Little Gorg’s skull. ' * '''While breakin’ their strongbacks down in the mines, the rest of the adventurers meet up with a tall, handsome half-elf ranger who goes by the name Edvard Iuvenis (or just Big Ed for short). Seeing a potential ally in the ranger, the Bois decide to join forces with Ed for the time being. They learn that the half-elf has an animal companion, a honey badger known as Honey Bunny, who is locked within the same guard tower that Thgil was taken. If Ed and the Bois don’t hurry up and form some sort of escape plan, their loyal animal companions will surely be slain. * As the boys were trying to make up a strategy, they realized that the other prisoners they were chained up with are slightly familiar… * Lo and behold, the Bois’ chain-mates just so happen to be none other than the horrified Rockwater citizens that were once held captive in the sewers, the very same puny humans that the Bois had attempted to enslave, until the humans were traded in for kobold slaves by Terrick. The once-slaves began attacking the Bois mindlessly, as though they were being controlled, like puppets. ' * '''Bongo the mighty, Kaw the nasty, James the beautiful, Skimp the rat-child, and BIG Ed (a.k.a. Popculturecrit) launched a full-power assault upon the filthy slaves, bludgeoning them with their picks. Rather than fight, Ed attempted to break the chain shackling the Bois to the slaves with his pick, but to no avail. The altercation eventually ended with the slaves collapsed upon the stone floor of the mine, pummeled into a bloody pudding. ' * 'There’s no time to celebrate this joyous victory, however, for the Bois are suddenly attacked by the prison guards, who also seem to be possessed. ' * 'The Bois make short work out of these pathetic guards, teaching them a lesson with their mighty pickaxes. ' * 'Kaw, who decides that he prefers the simple life of a miner rather than a brave adventurer, continues to mine ore. The end of his pick embeds itself into a rock, which flings off the pick, strikes a guard in his noggin, and instantly kills him. Truly a pitiful way to go. The guard’s parents ought to be ashamed. ' * 'Meanwhile, in the medical quarter of the camp, Aigee is strapped down to a table with a disgusting bloody “doctor” looming over him. Aigee was understandably horrified and squirmed desperately in his bindings, looking similar to a massive goo-maggot squirming in excitement as Momma McDaddy returns to the nest and regurgitates the soggy McNuggets down the little goo’s throat, sustaining him. ' * '“Calm down, little boy, I am a trained profezzional!” the “doctor” said with an evil grin! Aigee madly protested against the “trained professional.” ' * 'The “doctor” made a large incision in the goo man’s forehead. “Now, now. No need to scream! I am going to get zis brainjacker out of your little head!” the “doctor” laughed maniacally over the sound of Aigee’s cries, then plunged his hand into the incision and violently ripped the parasite out of Gorg’s head. “Ah! Vhat a beautiful specimen!” ' * '''With little care or precision, the “doctor” used a RUSTY SPOON and some barbed wire to sew up Aigee’s cranium, forever reducing Aigee’s constitution to a mere 3! The “doctor” abruptly leaves the room due to an emergency in the camp, leaving the extremely weak and retarded Aigee on his own. Despite his patheticness, Goo is somehow able to escape from his table-straps and began frantically searching the camp for his companions, screaming at the top of his lungs like the Grunch on Christmas morn. * Back in the mine, Edvard and the Eggplants loot the bodies of the dead soldiers, snatching some light armor and a couple swords. Then they race out into the center of the prison camp, and find themselves surrounded by possessed Zorendal soldiers. Luckily, the gang are helped out by a mysterious bow-wielding stranger that goes by the name Lusitae. ' * '''Meanwhile, Aigee was wandering around aimlessly, until he stumbled upon the Bois and Lusitae in the midst of glorious battle with the mindless prison guards. ' * 'As usual, Aigee arrives late to the party and does nothing to assist his comrades in battle. ' * 'Bongo and the Brokers, alongside the mystery-man Lusitae and their new ally Big Ed, make mincemeat out of the prison guards whilst listening to the Anthem Of Victory . ' * 'With the prison guards pummeled into the ground THOROUGHLY, Lusitae and the Lettuces clamber into the guard tower, inside which they reunite with Thgil and Honey Bunny. ' * 'The Bois also reclaim a couple of their precious items, including Kaw’s bone scythe and Bongo’s Wound (but, alas, Bongo is unable to recover his precious Stone Hilt and Kaw fails to find his precious CrowBar.). While discussing amongst themselves what they should do next, the party hear a loud kerfuffle outside. The Bois rush out to the balcony of the tower to see what all the fuss is about, and are shocked to see Azindahl and the prison warden standing down in the camp below, conspiring with each other. The Bois also recognize a third foe, who is none other than the dastardly necromancer from Baronel, Jorlack! Azindahl grins up at the Bois on the balcony, and beckons them to come down and fight. ' * '''LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE! * Cue Hook Rug Dance as an epic battle commences, and Louise Dombrowski starts dancing with a flashlight in a dark corner of the prison camp. ''' * '''Azindahl proves himself to be a fierce opponent, but he is eventually crushed by the unfurled might of Lusitae, Edvard, and the reunited Bongo and the Bois! Kaw slishes Azindahl’s arms off, disarming any chance of victory for him. “You fools! The Itholids will destroy you all!” the blimey squawks, bleeding out. “They’ll rip your entrails from your body! Your skulls will be crushed! Your eyes will be torn from their sockets!” Bongo grows tired of the cretin’s threats, he finishes off the villain with Wound’s “DESECRATE!” * The pathetic prison warden is pimp-slapped away by Big Ed and Honey Bunny; Ed sinks three arrows into the warden, incapacitating the freak. Honey Bunny goes in the for the finishing blow, tearing into the warden’s chest cavity with her sharp claws. “Looks like you’re in The Doghouse now.” Big Ed mutters to the warden as the light leaves his eyes. Now the only foe standing in the Bois’ way is the nefarious necromancer Jorlack. ' * '''Bongo steps forward, ready to settle the score with the necromancer that easily bested them back in Baronel. Bongo, along with the rest of the Bois, had grown immensely stronger since their first encounter with Jorlack, and would not be so easily defeated this time around. ' * 'Using the ultimate strategy, a strategy that Bongo had finally perfected after hours upon hours of brutal training in which his body was pushed to its limits and beyond, the druid spams extremely broken OP spells until he SLAMS the necromancer, once and for all showing Jorlack who the true McDaddy is. Bongo conjured up an Aggressive Thundercloud, and set it loose upon Jorlack, who was floating in the air above them. Realizing that there was no chance of victory, Jorlack started raving like a lunatic about the Itholid uprising and The Beholders. ' * '''Growing fed up with the necromancer’s jabbering, Bongo allowed his aggressive thundercloud to strike the lense of his mechanical eye with an incredibly focused bolt of lightning. The lightning bolt was redirected by Bongo’s eye, and surged straight into Jorlack with perfect accuracy, electrocuting the necromancer instantly with an echoing ZAP!!!!! * Jorlack’s charred body collapsed into a heap of ash. All that remained of the necromancer was his wooden staff, which was snatched by the grabby hands of Bongo, who also took the fool’s ashes. * After looting the bodies of Azindahl and the pummeled prison warden, the Bois found an immovable rod trident (which the greasy Aigee snatched, stuffing it into his filthy bindle of horror, where he keeps the little children he scoops off the street). ' * '''Free from the control of the Zorendal Empire, the Bois decide to follow the lead of Lusitae, who claims that the Zorendal Empire is currently being overthrown by the Itholids. The only safe place in Soresia is Koryn of the Ishandryn Empire, and it is only a matter of time before it falls as well. Lusitae offers the Bois the chance to become official agents of Ishandryn, for to defeat the Itholids, Ishandryn will need all the help it can get. ' * 'Lusitae also mentions that the truly odd fellow named Terrin Stormwall was actually working for the Ishandryn Empire as well. Lusitae speaks of Terrin at length, and dismisses all the Bois’ questions about Stormwall. It’s almost as if Lusitae is hiding something… hmmm. ' * 'Stripped of their supplies, and without anywhere else to go, the Bois agree and travel with Lusitae to Koryn, where they can rest up and purchase new provisions. Once in the grand city of Koryn, the Bois will also receive their first mission from their new boss, Field Commander Maldrek. ' * '''SESSION END!